Otherwise occupied

Sergei doesn't much come around here any more, and not just because of the holidays, or because I was in the hospital for most of January. All of that clean living gave me pneumonia and pleurisy. I've been lured away from blogging by Facebook. Yes, I'm one of those middle-aged ones who find it easier to blog both in our own names and in one sentence increments. If you are one of the select few (and you know who you are) who already know Sergei and Mona's true identities, I'll be happy to hook you up with the Friend listing over there. Otherwise, I'll see you when I see you.

Posting for posting's sake.

Some quick thoughts:

1. If you've come to this blog because you've searched for the term "Frankenstein Effect," I'm curious as hell as to what that's all about. The sudden rush suggests its some kind of writing assignment y'all are working. Please be aware that my use of the phrase may be different from the way others use it. I would suggest you also be aware that the more common usage improperly invokes the concept of an "effect." What they are really describing is a Frankenstein archetype. What I described was something that was produced by a cause - being Frankenstein-like in demeanor caused a mode of interaction with others. What others describe is the prototypical "man creates monster and monster comes back to bite him in the ass" scenario. I, therefore, win at teh internets.

2. If I enjoy the sensation of being hungry more than I enjoy the sensation of being full, do I have an eating disorder? Or do I not have a disorder until I seek out the sensation of being hungry because it gives me pleasure?

3. What the hell am I going to get Mona for Christmas? Neither of us needs anything nor can we really afford anything this year.

4. I am planning on taking some time off tomorrow to watch an NCAA men's soccer tournament game in the snow. That should be very interesting.

I can't control anything else - why not this?

The scale, the scale - my torrid affair with the scale. I was so up yesterday because my fancy scale told me I'd gained 6.6 pounds in the last 5 weeks but that only 1/4 of that was fat. So overall my total body fat percentage only went up a tick. I've still got about 9 pounds to go, so if I can keep that ratio I'll be pleased.

So apparently I don't mind that the scale dictates my mood as long as it makes me happy.

What am I going for anyway? What's the ultimate point of all this? Something along these lines (but without the blood):



I have been told that this is flat-out unachievable for someone my age. I was also told after my last knee surgery that I would never run again. The latter turned out not to be true and I've been making such progress in the last 6 months or so that I no longer believe the former. Its more than 6 months away; maybe a year, maybe more, but I'll get there.

Its a brooch!

The bizarre connection of ideas that led me there is too convoluted to recount to you, but here, for the sake to true weirdness, is a link to a scan of the death certificate of Stephen Stucker, the actor who played Johnny in the movie Airplane! He was only 38 when he passed away in 1986.

fat fat fat blarrgh bleh meh

For most of the summer I was in a weight-losing phase; now that running weather is over, I am back into a weight gaining phase. My exercise regimen changes at the same time: for most of the summer I did a lot of running and a bit of weightlifting; now I do a lot of weightlifting and very little else.

This means I am gaining weight on purpose. You cannot build muscle without adding to your body. And I hate it.

One would think that losing weight would be a challenge, and it was at one point in my life. Not any more. My mood for the day is so often tied to what I see on my scale. If that needle is the same or slightly lower than it was the day before, its a good day; if its higher, its not.

When I am gaining weight on purpose (and I will be putting on about 15 pounds before I stop and go back down), I know, cognitively, what the scale will be doing. But it is still hard mentally. And physically, I hate being full all the time. I don't eat junk food - I eat a carefully balanced and monitored, high-protein diet in this phase. But I feel full all the goddamn time. I don't like that. I like being "lean and hungry." I've put on about 5 pounds already, in the last couple of weeks, though most of that is water from some of the supplements I take. I feel like a blob. I don't look like one, but I feel like one.

It shouldn't be this difficult.